When “Mr. Right” becomes “Mr. All the Way Wrong” you may be dealing with a narcissist, who has hooked you with one of his favorite tactics to get high quality narcissistic supply. It’s called, “love bombing” and it comes before the “devaluing” stage. And once you are devalued and have no self esteem or confidence, he will never value you again. But first……
The Love Bombing Phase
So you meet who you think is the perfect person, but you are unaware this person is a human “predator. He does all the right things. He wines and dines you and makes you feel so good, but eventually he starts to devalue you. And slowly, but surely your “knight in shining armor” is now a black hearted brute. It happens so gradually you may not even pay attention to the devaluing behavior until you realize your relationship is a hot mess.
Yes, the narcissist does not usually devalue you until he knows you are really into them. If they were to start immediately most people would see the red flags sooner. So he uses manipulation to make you fall in love, all the while they are protecting themselves from falling in love with you by appearing to care but guarding their heart from you. They make sure you are vulnerable and they refuse to be. But of course you don’t know that. They seem to be head over heels. But they are not.
The love bombing is fast and intense. From the time you first meet he will compliment you, buy you things, take you out and be very attentive. The slowly these things become less and less all the while you notice they start criticizing you or ignoring you. Eventually, the disrespect is ramped up and all the things he used to, he doesn’t do them anymore. And the more you hope for the relationship to go back to the way it was, the more abuse you take.
Recognizing the Love Bombing Stage
If someone is too good to be true, then you should wait a while to see them in a variety of situations before you allow yourself to fall in love with a person. You should verify the information they give you about them by meeting some of the people in their circle. If someone tries to rush the progression of things, slow them down.
Real relationships take time and effort. If and when someone starts to be “wishy washy” or inconsistent, you should take that as your cue to how the relationship will be with them. And if you are never allowed to meet their circle of friends or family, that is a big red flag.
But what about if you catch feelings, start to care or even fall in love? Ignore those emotions and get out and far away as soon as possible.
The best defense against the tactics of the narcissist, build up your self esteem. Narcissists target people with low self worth. If you love, care about, and respect yourself you a least likely to stay in an abusive relationship. People who love themselves do not allow others to mistreat them. Heal yourself and love yourself.
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