With 80 percent of single parent households being headed women it’s no wonder why many women are stressed. A Baby Mama is a woman who has a child or children with a man she is not married to. That fact alone lead people to assume she will be bitter because it is widely assumed that women want to be married to the father of their children. I think this is only one of the reasons women may exhibit behaviors that lead others to believe she may be bitter. I chose to assume that there are many reasons a woman may be seemingly bitter towards the father of her child and the fact that he did not marry her is just one. According to the Pew Research Social and Demographic Trends,
“Two-parent households are on the decline in the United States as divorce, remarriage and cohabitation are on the rise. And families are smaller now, both due to the growth of single-parent households and the drop in fertility. Not only are Americans having fewer children, but the circumstances surrounding parenthood have changed. While in the early 1960s babies typically arrived within a marriage, today fully four-in-ten births occur to women who are single or living with a non-marital partner. At the same time that family structures have transformed, so has the role of mothers in the workplace – and in the home. As more moms have entered the labor force, more have become breadwinners – in many cases, primary breadwinners – in their families.“
It is hard to raise a child and in my opinion it is even harder to do it alone. It is easier when a household is headed by two parents because let’s face it; everything is easier when you have a partner helping you. I think another reason a woman may be considered bitter is she may have resentment towards the noncustodial father who for the sake of this post I will call the Baby Daddy or BD.
Only twenty percent of single parent households in America are headed by men. An overwhelming majority is headed by women and that has to be another stressor in many women’s lives. A Baby Mama may simply resent the father who she see’s maybe not working as hard as she is as she juggles motherhood with having a job outside of the home as well.
But, what about the non custodial father and why do some women make it hard for their Baby Daddies to be in their children’s lives? Could it be that the men are the problem? Yes there may be a lot of literature about deadbeat fathers and men that abandon their responsibilities. This can lead to a bunch of frustrated single mothers and give much to the impression that they are full of spite.
The truth is many Baby Mama’s are not angry and hateful towards their Baby Daddy’s. There are many unmarried parents who co parent well together. Yes, women can suffer regrets and longings to be with the father of their children. But some women are mature and loving enough to make a co-parenting situation work. But this is not about them, hence the title of this post.
This is about those women who will unleash a slew of tactics designed to produce stress and aggravation for their Baby Daddy’s. They love to cause disruptions in the extended family of these children also as the paternal family may start to stay away from the drama involved with the parenting situation. It can also stress his family and any new relationship he tries to get into.
Being unmarried may or may not be the issue for these 5 Baby Mamas, but whatever the problem, they make sure they cause problems and unleash havoc. Do you know the type? If you have been dealing with one then you will agree. When you encounter these Baby Mamas? Run, or suffer the consequences.
Here are five examples of Bitter Baby Mamas my explanation of each one.
The Hanger On
This Baby Mama will do anything to get back in a relationship their Baby Daddy. These are the ones that know their BD has moved on. They constantly beg, plead, and freak out on the BD. In an effort to get him back they constantly throw themselves at their BD. They are willing to continue the sexual relationship with him even if he is in another relationship.
This kind of Baby Mama makes it almost impossible for her BD to maintain a new relationship because she constantly makes passes at him especially in front of his new love interest. The good thing is she will usually stop her outlandish behavior once her BD once they themselves find a new boyfriend, but not always.
The Drama Queen
This Baby Mama is super controlling. They use their children as reasons to create drama. They have to know everything that goes on with their BD home or on his visit. They immediately want to know who has been around their children, rather than trust that their BD would not hurt their child or let anyone else for that matter.
They use the court system to harass their BD. They make scenes and make unfounded accusations. They have no qualms about involving family members and often alienate their BD family. They love to cause trouble weather they have a new relationship or not. They thrive on attention and will usually tape conversations or try to record you after baiting you into an argument.
This is the Baby Mama is always the helpless victim. They need their Baby Daddy to give them advice or swoop in to pay bills. They manipulate with “the damsel in distress act.” They need their BD to change light bulbs, cut the grass and more. They play stupid for pity from others.
They hope that they can guilt their BD into paying for things outside of their allotted child support and always have excuses of why they are helpless. Some are lazy and depend on this act for unneeded support but some really may be clueless. This can be a bigger problem when it comes to co-parenting. If you have a child with a ding bat it can feel like you are their father as well because you may constantly have to instruct them or rescue from problems other grown adults can figure out for themselves.
The Grass is Greener on the Other Side
This Baby Mama regrets breaking up with their BD. She more than likely is not as clingy as The Hanger On, but she does use her BD emotions or lingering fondness for her against him. She is the type to constantly take him down memory lane or have parties and invite their BD and basically pretend as if they are in a relationship but if called out on it, they will never admit it.
They usually have dumped him for a guy that at the time she believed was better only to find out their BD was a really awesome guy. But by this time it is too late, and if he really is a good catch he has moved on and then here she comes, Ms. Grass is Greener on the Other Side, declaring that her BD is the love of her life.
They rather poke their eyes out than to see their BD move on. They know they left a good thing, and don’t mind letting their BD new relationship partner know this. If she has been in a long term relationship with her BD she is probably the one who has a good relationship with his family. She is also the type that when she decides to somewhat move on she will always consider her BD as the one who got away.
This Baby Mama tends to show up everywhere her BD is. Regardless of where it he happens to be, she is there too. It happens way too often to be a coincidence. She may be forthcoming by letting others know she wants to “Pop- up” on her BD. She has a plethora of reasons why and they may or may not come from romantic intent.
She may be jealous that her BD has moved on. She may or may not want to be in a relationship with him. She may want to berate him for failing to provide support for the child, but whatever the reason she doesn’t mind stalking the father of her children.
She is always checking his social media pages and befriending women off his page. She may be the type to swears it is coincidental but it happens so much her BD knows she is doing it on purpose. She also tries to get him to see him to see her as desirable when they do run across her BD. If he has a new girlfriend she will stalk her too.
It doesn’t matter if this Baby Mama is violent or nonviolent you should be alarmed when someone exhibits stalking behavior. There are ways to communicate healthily and intruding on others is not one of them.
Sometimes it helps to have video references to help illustrate a point that is being made. Take a look at this video of what is in my opinion the perfect example of a Bitter Baby Mama.
This woman has enlisted the help of her mother who seems to be the blueprint in which this Baby Mama is destined to follow. I always assumed older women brought peace to situations. This was not the case. And in this climate we live in with tensions between minorities and the police, this Baby Mama and toxic grandmother are mixing a volatile cocktail that could end up with someone being harmed.
This video has over a million views on You Tube and if you read the comments that are left under it you will see why the video went viral. Many people are outraged about the behavior being shown by the Baby Mama on this video. What is your opinion? Which of the 5 types of Baby Mamas have I mentioned does this Baby Mama resemble? What about the Grandmother, what type of Baby Mama does she resemble?
The Bitter Baby Mama And Child Support
There is a purpose for single mothers….
It’s disturbing that so many men have negative things to say about the mothers of their children. It is a lot of responsibility to be a mother. I believe the best situation for children are the ones where there is a lot of positivity in it and positive mothers have successful children. That is the purpose. Rather than raise their children in negative two parent households some women opt to be single mothers on a mission to raise great kids.
In a two parent household, mothers are allowed the stability to be a stay at home mom because the father can be the sole provider for the family. Sometimes this is not always the case. Sometimes one parent has to leave the household because of the dysfunction within the relationships. And more often than not the father becomes the noncustodial parent and the mother becomes a single custodial parent but it’s a better environment than the toxic dysfunctional two parent home.
Often men pay child support to the mother. 2020 is the year of awareness. There is something that is not sitting well in my spirit. So many children are so sad. So many women are choosing to be mothers but it is not always for the right reasons. There are too many women raising children in low vibration filled environments. If the purpose of leaving a dysfunctional is for a better environment, having a toxic mother is far from functional as well.
The problem is so many people are choosing to become parents and they are the types of people who resonate in a low vibration. In order to care for children, your vibration needs to be high. If you are a positive person, caring for children gives your spirit a chance to soar so happy women tend to want to nurture and love their children because these are activities high in vibration. A room filled with children laughing, singing and spreading love is a special environment to be in and it does not happen by mistake.
The best environments for children are the ones where there is more positivity than negativity in them. That starts with a positive person trying to create an environment where the vibrations are high. These environments are filled with positive activities. In environments where positive women are mothering the children are happy and healthy. You will see smiling, and hear laughter and singing. There will be a mother actively trying to raise the vibration as high as possible.
The Importance of Good Fathers Choosing Good Mothers
The focus cannot only be on the women if we want to address raising happy and healthy children who will be successful as adults. I’m amazed so many men do not vet the women they decide to procreate with and thereby handicap their children because, how can you learn to be a good citizen if a good citizen does not show you to be good?
This can start with men taking control of their bodies and not impregnating women who would not be the appropriate women to be the mother’s of their children. It’s important that men chose capable women to have children with. Mother’s taught and guide the next generation. A mother is your first positive role model. Your life begins inside her and how she cares for herself affects you from the beginning. A child cannot simply choose their own mother, their father does that. So it makes sense that men make informed choices about the women they choose to sleep with unprotected knowing that sex leads to parenthood.
The Things Positive Mothers Teach
There are a variety of things that mothers teach you starting in the womb. A pregnant mom can set their child on the right path by utilizing self care during pregnancy. Mothers also make infants secure by meeting their needs and helping the child to self soothe. When children are securely attached to their mothers they are more than likely to be a secure adult with self love and respect.
Mother’s teach children, emotional regulation, hygiene and self care and independence. They nurture and show concern. This helps a child be independent, confident, calm and secure. A mother who becomes a mother with the purpose of getting material things will often neglect these things.
The Real Purpose of Child Support
The purpose of child support is for the absent father to provide support to the child or children. You will find there is so much more involved in raising children into adulthood but child support is the basics. Child support does not support a child’s emotional well being. Emotional well being sets you up for a good life.
It’s really sad to know there are some women who would purposely have a child to receive child support. Its misuse can enable a dysfunctional environment for a child. It is not the sole responsibility for one person to support a child. Women should consider that employment is not only a requirement for fathers. A woman should not assume she will be able to stay home with her children and not work. This is not the reality for most single mothers and even some mothers who are married.
What are some signs that a woman may not be choosing to be a mother for the right reasons?
The reason for deciding to be a parent will be self serving; the focus is on them while the child’s needs are not met especially when the single mother does not contribute to the child financially. The reason child support will be so important to some primary care givers are because she will not be interested in supporting her child. She will expect to have the child support her as well. Some mothers will expect child support to also support children who do not belong to the man who is paying the child support payments.
There are women who get child support here and there but we must also remember there are women who do not receive child support at all. These women work and support their children without any contribution from the absent father.
She Will Not Consider Other Forms of Support
A dysfunctional mother will not consider this arrangement as a form of contribution to the support of the children. Money will be her only focus.
Sometimes fathers will care for their children while the woman works outside the home. This can be important because it eliminates the need for a woman to put her children in daycare. Now if the parents do not reside together, I feel that this is considered a form of support. Now does it satisfy the absent fathers financial responsibility, no it does not? But it can be considered as some form of contribution to the support of the child or the children. Why?
Because that is what the single mother receiving support will say, that they care for the children as their contribution. They will be reliant on the support for them and the child and that defeats the purpose.
So, what do I suggest in situations where you encounter a Bitter Baby Mama? If you are the Baby Daddy or his family, try to remember it is stressful to be a single mother. Also don’t always assume the Baby Mama is upset that she is not married or in a relationship with her BD.
In the long run I think it also helps to seek professional help with some parenting situations. Having trouble co-parenting, here is a website I found that may help:
Ever had the pleasure of meeting a Bitter Baby Mama?
But what do I know? I’m just a bootleg sociologist who nobody will listen to so I started a blog……….
What are your thoughts?
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