Narcissists love to triangulate other people to get good supply to regulate their unstable emotions. In this post I will talk about the narcissists’ doormat also known as the “primary supply” (PS) and his shiny new toy also known as the “secondary supply” (SS). While I am using “he” and other masculine pronouns, a female narcissist could easily create a triangle as well so substitute the pronouns as needed…..
The Plight of the Primary Supply
In this love triangle dynamic the PS has it the worst. The PS gives the narcissist the high quality adoration and devotion that he needs, at first. In the beginning he did everything in his power to “hook” you and once he got you on the line he has no interest in letting you off that hook, ever.
As the relationship progresses things start to change for the PS. Where at first they were the narcissists best friend, lover and life partner, they are now to being a ding bat that can never do anything right in his eyes. Because it is sudden and seemingly out of the blue, the PS thinks they are the reason the narcissist has pulled away and starting acting cold.
The PS does their best to get the relationship back to the way things were by doing anything and everything to keep being on his good side. But no matter what things get increasingly hostile. Eventually the PS becomes his doormat and he walks all over the mat. But the narcissist is hiding a secret….
The Joy Of Being The Shiny New Toy
In this love triangle dynamic the SS has it way better than the PS. The SS is now on the same pedestal the PS was previously on before the narcissist unceremoniously drop kicked them off of it. But that is the narcissist secret. He is acting funny because he has another woman he is “love bombing” and pursuing.
The narcissist requires attention, love and other resources from others. Once The PS has become clingy and desperate he knows they will not leave. So off the big bad wolf goes searching for another little red riding hood to put on a pedestal.
Usually neither supply sources know about each other but the PS know something is up. They may suspect that the narcissist is cheating but can’t catch them. Whenever they bring the subject up the narcissist swears they are crazy. But they drop hints constantly that there is someone else. This drives the PS to enter a depressed state. But the SS is getting the best side of the narcissist. They are being wined and dined. The narcissist does not leave the PS alone either. So they enter a love triangle where the PS is emotionally abused and used while the SS is blissfully happy.
But what about if the PS wises up and leaves…..
The Big Switch
Even though it may have seemed like the narcissist didn’t want the PS anymore that is far from being true. The narcissist put the PS on a shelf because he has another toy, but he always will come back to play with the toy later. The narcissist is keeping a secret from the SS….
When the PS leaves, the SS is now put in the position of quickly making the SS the primary supply. And this cycle will continue indefinitely until supply gets tired of the abuse. So now the SS will go through everything the previous PS went through. And if the SS knew the narcissist was cheating in their relationship but stuck around anyway?
The narcissist will not trust the SS. if you think things were bad in the first relationship the narcissist acts worst in this one. These cycles will continue for years until supply figures out the narcissist will never change or stop searching for new supply sources.
Often, it feels like the abuse that the narcissist heaped on to us has bound them to us. This is because often we are “trauma bonded” to them. We need to learn healthy ways to break that bond.
More about breaking the ties that bind, and “trauma bonding” in a later article. Narcissistic abuse can lead to an immense amount of psychological trauma for its victims.
It’s important to heal the deep psychological damage that the victim of narcissistic abuse has suffered. It is normal to want to get revenge on anyone who has caused such a pain.
It is my opinion it would be better to rebuild your self esteem and focus on your mental health and your overall better well being.
Need help with healing from narcissistic abuse? For more information on narcissistic abuse recovery I chose to add some websites that may be helpful for you to visit:
Did you find anything helpful from the post? Care to share your experience with a narcissist? Were any of the websites I included at the end helpful with your recovery from narcissistic abuse?
What are your thoughts?
Follow this blog @whenthiswomanspeaks.com
Instagram @ whenthiswomanspeaks